after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you inspire me to be a worse person
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
