Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My cat gives me a boner
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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