she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
