The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
