I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
