Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize