It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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