when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
