When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
