just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
