i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
