Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
