you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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