i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
