I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
