I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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