PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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