ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
