I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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