He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
