last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
