try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
