I met the friendliest cop last night
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
