I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
