i think my mom watched the whole time
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
