just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
