worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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