Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
