Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
