She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
