I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
