your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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