So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
