why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
