I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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