Who wears a wallet chain?!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
