i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
