she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm sobbing to NWA
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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