I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
