Will you blow on my dice?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
