Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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