On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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