friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
