Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
