Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize