I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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