I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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