I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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