I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
