it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
