Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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