I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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