thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
