i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just had sex on a roof
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
