brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize