After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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