girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
