I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
