Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
