OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
