You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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