I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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