Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
