a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
