I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i drank out of a bidet.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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