My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
