I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
