Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
