so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
