Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
