My sheets look like a crime scene.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
