in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
